someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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