shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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