When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
