he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
