The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
