Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
