Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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