So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
