i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
