Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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