He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
