answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
