did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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