Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
