I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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