i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
