she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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