R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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