Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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