I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
