we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
