So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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