last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
