the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
