the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
