areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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