Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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