All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
