thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize