he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
