yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think people are normalizing furries
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
