toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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