dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
