So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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