Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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