I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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