discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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