i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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