Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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