I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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