I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
