i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
