summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
