Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
