1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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