I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
