an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
