you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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