I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
