Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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