He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
