I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
