I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
