Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
