Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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