just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
