after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
