he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
