Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
