im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
