I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
