you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
