i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
