your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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