im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
