I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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