we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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