He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
