THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
