How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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