i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
