When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
